Anger Management

1546804334Bruce’s anger caused the breakup.

Bruce* came into my office for his first appointment. He was a big, strong guy who looked intimidating on first impression. He sat down and suddenly started bawling. Seeing an alpha male type crying in my office wasn’t a pretty sight.

The first words out of his mouth were, “My girlfriend has left me.” Bruce also felt suicidal thoughts of not wanting to live anymore.

I encouraged Bruce to share more about what happened, and he reported that he and his girlfriend, Valerie*, got into a huge fight resulting in him grabbing and shaking her. Consequently, she left him.

Bruce tried contacting Valerie and left multiple messages about how sorry he was, but she didn’t reply.

Therapy started the healing process.

After talking with me, Bruce felt listened to and heard when sharing his pain about his girlfriend. He realized that he always had problems managing his anger in his former career as a police officer and his current job.

That inability to manage his anger impacted his past and current relationships. His girlfriend expressed concerns about his anger multiple times, and Bruce downplayed it and didn’t take it seriously.

Expressing his feelings was difficult, but Bruce felt better after discussing his anger problem. Although he missed his girlfriend, he denied any plans to hurt himself.

The next time I saw Bruce, he looked much better and composed, and he was glad his girlfriend responded to him. Furthermore, his girlfriend was relieved about Bruce being willing to do therapy to work on his anger issues.

Anger Img 2The sources of anger became apparent.

As our discussions became more open, Bruce expressed concerns about his anger management problems and how they impacted his health, current job, and relationship.

We discussed his health issues and carpal tunnel syndrome in his hands and joints, which often caused severe pain. Bruce also discussed his financial hardships and struggles with surviving to get by.

I shared with him some facts about how anger and stress tend to go hand in hand. He was dealing with a lot of stress, and I told him that the higher the stress level, the easier it is to lose control of one’s anger.

This discussion was eye-opening for Bruce because he never saw the connection between stress and anger. Most of the time, he wasn’t aware of what was causing his anger. All he knew was that he had problems with anger and did not know how to deal with them.

Lessons on Anger Management came next.

In therapy, we discussed the link between the mind and body and how they affect each other. So, whether being tired, hungry, or suffering from chronic pain, it impacted how he felt. Bruce agreed because he noticed that when stressed, it often aggravated the chronic pain in his body.

We discussed his current relationship with his girlfriend. He acknowledged that it was hard to control his temper when an argument escalated. We developed a plan that involved signaling a time-out to his girlfriend when he felt too stressed during an argument. After signaling, he would stop talking and walk away for at least 25-30 minutes to cool down.

Bruce discussed the signaling strategy with his girlfriend, so she could understand that the purpose was to prevent an escalation of the conflict and not to avoid her. We also worked on improving Bruce’s communication skills to help him learn to communicate assertively and to identify and express his feelings clearly and honestly without getting angry or hostile.

Bruce often complained about how others, like his boss, co-workers, and girlfriend, “pushed his buttons.” In therapy, he learned he was not a robot and did not need to react automatically when people or situations frustrated him. He realized he could choose how to respond by how he handled a difficult situation.

223968511Don’t let uncontrolled anger rule your life.

Identifying how stress influenced his anger helped Bruce learn about the mind and body connection.

Through therapy, he significantly improved by learning effective communication rather than angry outbreaks. He also discovered methods to reduce escalating arguments with his girlfriend and manage his frustration and anger. The good news is that Bruce and Valerie are still together and getting along. He reported they argued occasionally, but it was mostly under control.

Don’t let the inability to manage your anger impact your relationships. Therapy can help you identify the underlying causes of your anger and teach you methods for making anger more manageable.

Be like Bruce and contact me today.

*Names and stories are composite narratives and do not reflect actual clients.