Child and Adolescent Therapy

Independence is part of growing up.

Therapy with children and adolescents differs greatly from working with adults. Children and adolescents are not “mini-adults.” Different phases and many changes occur along the path to adulthood. They are primarily dependent on their parents or other caregivers.

Of course, there are significant differences between the development of children and adolescents. Adolescents usually become independent of their parents in establishing their identity and values.

I met one mother who was hurt when her son appeared embarrassed when she approached him and his friends. I reassured her that her adolescent child’s behavior was typical of his age and not of her. Her son was becoming more independent of his parents and turning more towards his peers, though his parents still had influence.

Means of expression are different.

Both children and adolescents struggle with identifying and expressing feelings. Both are in the process of developing an emotional vocabulary to describe the complexity of emotions.

Children are only beginning to develop communication skills. So, they will express their inner world non-verbally (facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, etc.) more often than with words.

Jean Piaget, the late Swiss psychologist, is well-known for his model on the stages of change in a child’s cognitive development. During this time, children express themselves more non-verbally while developing language skills. “Play is the work of childhood,” as famously quoted by Piaget based on his conclusion that children express themselves best through play and how they learn and grow.

Therapy involving play and art is excellent for children, adolescents, and adults, giving them an outlet and safe place to express and act out their feelings. I’ve asked a child to draw their family on paper and talk about it. The drawing often says a lot about how the child sees himself and his world. It can also reveal particular dynamics in family relationships that would be hard to express in words.

Feeling safe helps promote growth.

The polyvagal theory is a set of ideas proposed by the neuroscientist Stephen Porges. Polyvagal theory, in a nutshell, states that an individual needs to feel a sense of safety if they want to grow and thrive.

This theory can guide understanding a child’s behavioral challenges and how they can be caused by underlying stress rather than non-compliance. Although setting limits is one of the criteria of healthy parenting, it’s insufficient in teaching children how to calm their nervous systems.

A parent can assist the child in developing better self-control by understanding what’s stressing their child and helping calm them in the safety of a supportive relationship.

Jason’s expression involved anger.

Jason* was a 9-year-old boy who often had anger outbursts at home. His parents reported that Jason usually had a fit when asked to shower, clean his room, etc.

They also noticed that he was more irritable when coming home from school. Jason did not indicate any behavioral issues at school and was known to be a good student.

As I got to know Jason, it became clear that he felt stressed in school due to academic demands. Furthermore, some of his peers teased him about being overweight. Jason felt better talking about his shame with me, his therapist.

His parents were encouraged to learn to be more self-aware of their tone of voice and body language to convey a sense of calm to Jason. Jason responded better to this approach, and his behavior improved significantly. It makes sense that a parent has to be more in control when their child is out of control.

Some children struggle with depression and anxiety.

Billie*, a 17-year-old young man, struggled with depression. He had poor self-esteem and did not like how he looked because he was slightly overweight.

We discussed his early childhood and how others often teased him about being overweight. He understood the roots of his low self-esteem, how “little Billie” must have felt, and did not have anyone to turn to.

In therapy, Billie could heal because he felt heard by someone who understood his pain.

Struggles in school can create problems.

Samantha*, a 10-year-old girl, often struggled with school. She had problems paying attention and did not complete her assignments on time.

Samantha had behavioral issues, as indicated by talking to her peers without permission and talking back to the teacher. What’s interesting was her parents did not have any complaints about her behavior at home.

When I worked with Samantha, she was able to express her frustration about her poor academic performance and felt dumb. Upon further evaluation, it turned out that her skills were lagging in specific areas compared to her peers.

I referred her for testing to determine whether she had attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder since ADHD was common in her family. Her parents were encouraged to provide additional academic support for Samanta to help her in school.

Therapy benefits children and adolescents.

Jason, Billie, and Samatha display only a few problems children and adolescents face. Other issues may involve conflicts with siblings or peers, family conflicts, divorce or separation, poor coping skills, grief and loss, and many more.

Therapy helps your child develop self-confidence and improve coping skills. They can normalize feelings and what is and is not age appropriate and improve their communication skills.

Your child or adolescent can learn ways to improve problem-solving skills, become more socially aware, and gain appropriate social skills. They also can improve their self-awareness and enhance self-control.

Sometimes, parents can become overwhelmed by striving to understand what is happening to their children. Therapy can help make growing up easier. If your child struggles, please get in touch with me today to help them cope with their challenges.

*Names and stories are composite narratives and do not reflect actual clients.