Grief/Loss

Barbara* had nowhere to turn for help.

Barbara, out of all her siblings, was very close to her mother, who had recently passed away. What made it worse was that her mother killed herself by an overdose of her prescriptions.

After the tragedy, Barbara was never the same. She struggled in her daily life, especially with her job. She felt sad most of the time, lonely, struggled with poor motivation and concentration, had difficulty sleeping, often felt tired, and became socially withdrawn.

The consequences of her struggles with the loss surprised Barbara because she was usually a strong and independent woman who could hold her own. During times of distress, she usually turned to her family for support. Unfortunately, her siblings were also grieving, and two refused to discuss the loss.

Barbara became more dependent on her husband, but she realized he could only do so much for her since the burden was mainly on him to provide for their basic needs. The only person in her family she could usually count on for support was her mother, who was her rock but was no longer there. She felt very much alone with her pain.

Therapy provided Barbara with an outlet.

Barbara decided to look for help outside of her family. When I first met Barbara, I could see how much she was in pain.

I allowed her to talk about how the loss of her mother had impacted her life. Barbara briefly discussed how she struggled in areas of her life with work, family, friends, and leisure. During this time, I mostly listened and heard her out because that’s essential when helping those dealing with loss.

Serving as a witness to her struggles with the pain of her loss helped Barbara feel comfortable that somebody was listening and understanding her. Throughout her therapy, Barbara received information that clarified what she was going through.

She felt relieved that her problems with sleeping, poor motivation, lethargy, etc., were expected and universal symptoms of grief.

Healing from grief occurs in stages.

Barbara and I talked about the six stages of grief and loss, such as Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, Acceptance, and Meaning, and she could relate to this process. We discussed the Bargaining stage and how Barbara often wondered if she had been there with her mother, she would still be alive.

We talked about how Barbara felt Anger toward her mother for not letting her know how she was feeling. Because if Barbara had known, her mother would be alive today.

We also discussed how it’s normal to recycle through the stages repeatedly (e.g., being in the Acceptance stage and later going back to the Bargaining stage, etc.). Barbara asked me how long it takes to heal from loss. I responded, “How long did you love your mom?” Healing was going to take time.

You never get over the loss; you learn how to live with the loss and make meaning from it. We discussed developing a structured daily routine rather than being in bed most of the day. This suggestion was hard to implement initially and throughout Barbara’s treatment because she couldn’t help getting out of bed or staying in bed. I told her I understood and encouraged her to do her best.

Today, Barbara’s mood is stable, and she’s more active socially and spending time with her family and friends. She’s not where she wants to be, but she is getting there.

Don’t go through the grieving process alone!

People process grief and loss differently, and there is no set time for overcoming the loneliness and sometimes guilt from how one feels from the loss of something or someone they cherish.

Part of my role as a therapist with experience helping people deal with the grieving process is to allow them time to understand that loss. Initially, the process requires providing support, understanding, and a listening ear.

Then, I strive to help my clients regain their routines and learn to live with their loss. As I told Barbara, one never truly gets over the loss, but memories never die even though one moves forward with their life.

If you suffer grief and loss, contact me today. I am here to help you find ways to get through grief’s stages and gain acceptance and meaning.

*Name and story are composite narratives and do not reflect an actual client.